Let the truth be told- all you who knew me back in the day could attest- I was F-A-T. I was not the cute little fat kid, as my mother always tried to convince me. I was the one sneaking treats late at night- savoring each bite of Tollhouse soft batch chocolate chip cookies that hid in the pantry (you know the ones in the red package). I can remember the smell of Little Debbie's Oatmeal Cream Pies as I ripped into each cellophane package. Although my mom refused to purchase soda (funny because she never fought against a trip to the donut store), I always found a way to drown myself in Dr. Pepper- enjoying each sip of the ice cold sugar drink. My youth was filled with trips to the department store searching for pants that fit. I was always directed to the "husky" department- seems to me now like a polite way of telling a kid he is fat. Fitness testing at school was the worst- its as if the coaches wanted to bring to light those with a weight issue... public reticule always waited for me at the end. The constant trips to Daylight Donuts, McDonald's (where super sized meals always filled my tummy), and 7 Eleven contributed to my 'growing' problem. The nicknames "fat boy," "fatty," and "tubby," still ring in my head to this day. At 5'3 160 pounds, I knew something had gone wrong.
I can remember a sunny spring day in 6th grade when I came home holding back tears, and decided it was time for a change. From that day forward I considered myself health conscious. I began running and "eating right." I switched from Blue Bell to Healthy Choice. From Debbie to Quaker. From Kellogg's to SlimFast. I even dabbled in weight watchers- that point system really did make things easier. For a whole summer I stood firm, stuck to the changes, continued running, and eventually lost all the weight that haunted me for the better part of my early days.
Though I never have been technically fat again, the thought about reverting back to my old ways will always be in the back of my head. Food is something that is consistently on my mind- what to cook, what to eat, where to shop… there is always something to ponder. Food brings a sense of comfort to your soul. Tinkering with the idea of starting a juice fast for months now, I finally decided now was a better time than ever to dive in. I journeyed to Whole Foods, stocked up on $60 of fresh organic produce, and started to juice. Side note... do not juice unknown radishes- they will ruin a perfectly sweet tasting glass of fresh juice. For what seemed like a week (but was only 2 days) I juiced for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
On the eve of day three I decided to chew once again. For me, it was not my lack of will power to get through the hunger pains, or the ability to conquer the weak feeling that comes from drinking just liquids- rather it was the root behind why I was juicing. I realized in those few short days that I was doing it for the approval of man. I realized that my ultimate satisfaction, my fulfillment, and my ultimate joy was not coming from Him. Instead, these aesthetic goals I longed for since I was a little boy, suffocated the joy found only in Him. I hoped that by accomplishing these goals I would find rest in my thoughts- rest in the fact that I had finally accomplished it.
I to often forget of the simple things in life that become idols. I to often take things, not morally wrong, or evil, and make them ultimate. Whether it is money, status, TV, relationships, careers, books, running, or food- the world is constantly knocking on the door. It loudly pleads for our attention day after day, easily numbing our hearts and minds to the Spirit that lives within. My new hope is that my joy, my rest, my peace, and my satisfaction will be found in my Creator, and in Him alone.
